Review: Wahl Body Massager

I feel a little remiss in posting this review only now, because frankly as a writer of budget sex toy reviews this is a big deal. Power queens especially, take heed. The Wahl is an awesome, awesome monster.

7/10

4120-1701The Wahl is not quite as storied a massager as the Hitachi Original Magic Wand, but it’s got a bit of a reputation of its own. However, it’s frequently shadowed by the Magic Wand, which is kind of a shame, because I honestly think it’s a better vibrator in a lot of ways.

The Wahl is not shaped like the Original Magic Wand, or any of the other many vibrators that are similarly styled. It’s kind of ugly, actually; 8 inches long, grey, heavy, and unwieldy. Other reviewers have had issues with how heavy it is–it’s not a problem for me, but it does weigh over a pound and I can see how it could be a problem for some.

The Wahl plugs into the wall, like the Original Magic Wand. Its cord is 2 1/2 feet longer than the Magic Wand’s cord, which is sometimes good, but also sometimes there’s just a lot of cord everywhere. However, overall I think the Wahl’s long cord is an asset to it. It has two settings, and really those two settings are why this is a great vibrator.

The two settings on the Wahl are totally different settings. The first setting is buzzy, but powerful. I can find it numbing on some days, but usually it’s a really pleasant vibration for me. I’m not a power queen, but the first setting is at a great level for me most days. As I said, it is sometimes a little buzzy. But for a moderately quick orgasm with no frills, or if I’m using a dildo and want something that I can press against my clit easily, the Wahl’s first setting is really pleasant.

The second setting is like, a totally different vibrator. It doesn’t feel like it’s ramping up from the first setting, like the Original Magic Wand–it’s a whole different feeling. And it is powerful, and rumbly as hell. It is a fucking jackhammer. At almost all points in my cycle and during masturbation sessions, it’s actually too much for me unless I am wearing pants or craving really intense (or over)stimulation. It’s like you get two one-setting vibrators in one toy.

Additionally–if you have thought about actually using the Magic Wand for its intended purpose, and were sorely disappointed, as I was when I had some nasty knots in my neck I tried to massage out with the magic wand–I think you’ll find the Wahl a considerably better body massager as well. The jackhammer second setting is great for the rocklike knots I carry in my neck and shoulders, though the first setting is mostly useless for anything other than sexytimes.

Another great thing about this toy is it is pretty quiet. Now, there’s been some debate on this–some people’s toys are whisper quiet, some are obnoxiously loud. My Wahl appears to have something just slightly loose inside of it, and if I hold it a specific way it can be deafening on the second setting. However, the first setting is silent, and when pressed against my body the second setting muffles and that loose rattling thing inside seems to be secured. When that bit is in it’s proper place (which as I’ve used it, has been more and more frequently, like it settled or something) the second setting is incredibly quiet, especially given its power.

wahl_attachments_4120The Wahl comes with four attachments these days (it once came with seven). According to Wahl’s website, the four it comes with are the spot applicator (the gumdrop-like one), the facial (which looks like a broad, shallow suction cup (thought it does not supply suction), the scalp massager (a flat disc with little plastic bristles on it), and what they call the four-finger flex, which looks like one of those acrylic hand massager tools. You can also buy three other attachments if you want them. However, I bought my Wahl a few weeks ago, and instead of the four-finger flex I got a trumpet-looking attachment, that has a kind of bowl carved into the bell, as seen above.

I have tried out all four as masturbatory tools, and really the only great attachment for clitoral stimulation is the gumdrop-like one, the spot applicator. However, the trumpet-horn attachment might be good for you if you want something between the first and second settings–it seems to disperse the intensity of the second setting a little, and it provides a lot of labial stimulation. However, you can press one of the edges of the horn into your clit for a more pinpoint feeling. So it was interesting. The facial attachment was basically useless–it is broad and concave so i really had to nestle an edge of it between my labia to get any decent stimulation. I though the scalp attachment would be a disaster, but placing it on on top of my labia and clitoral hood actually provided a broad, indirect, teasing sensation I rather enjoyed, again dispersing the intensity of that powerful second setting.

However, I will say I liked the scalp attachment much better on my scalp, as a head massager, and that’s where the Wahl’s biggest problem lies.

These attachments are made of PVC and as such they are porous. This means that they can’t be sanitized or cleaned thoroughly. They also contain phthalates, which aren’t good for you. So this isn’t a body-safe toy as it stands by itself. Because it’s porous, even if you just use it by yourself it can harbor bacteria that can give you infections, and again phthalates are bad for you. And also you probably don’t want to be using something that isn’t properly sanitized on your head or the rest of your body as a massager.

Don’t write this toy off yet, though! There are a couple of options to make this toy safer. Dizzygirl, for example, has ingeniously cut fingers off of nitrile gloves and placed them over the attachment. Epiphora found a silicone sleeve that goes over the spot applicator well, however it a) makes the toy louder, and b) may be discontinued.  Meanwhile, I’ve done a couple of different things: I first just gently stretched a condom over the whole head of the toy. This worked, but I did worry about breakage since the toy is not really shaped to be covered by a condom. It was also loud and weirdly twangy. Then I sort of went the opposite direction–I didn’t have any gloves, but I had dental dams, which I then used instead of covering the toy itself. I’d also really like to try finger cots of some kind, because I feel like they might work niftily to cover the spot attachment as well (also, I find finger cots adorable). If I get around to it, I will post an update regarding my success.

Okay, so we’ve established that, if you’re willing to take the proper precautions, the Wahl is a fantastic external vibrator, especially if you need power. So here’s the situation when it comes to buying one.

Unlike Hitachi, who eventually gave up on the Magic Wand being known as anything other than a sex toy, Wahl is incredibly displeased that anyone might use their body massager in such a way. Thus, your usual toy shops don’t stock it.

However, what this does mean is that places like Walgreens and CVS stock it instead. The Wahl is the ultimate toy if you’re in need of discretion; you can buy it from a goddamn pharmacy–and usually with a twenty dollar bill. That’s right, the Wahl goes for around $20. I think mine was $19.49, but it was on sale with my pharmacy rewards card and I got 20% off that, so it’s definitely a good buy. So if you’re nervous about something showing up on a credit card bill, or other discretion issues, and you’re willing to play safely, the Wahl might be about the best external stimulation you can buy.

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